Black Holes & Mischievous Elves

After looking at my stats for the first in months, I’ve decided it’s a good thing that I have a sense of humor. No amount of pretty graphics can hide the fact that my numbers are in a coma.

Really?

There is one silver lining in that I’m still receiving lovely comments and likes which tells me the quality of my posts is not in question, (at least I hope it’s not), so the writer in me can’t help but speculate possible reasons for why my numbers are flatlining.

1. My inner critic is getting back at me for ignoring her for most of the last year or so.

2. The subscription thingy is out of whack.

3. My blog is imaginary.

4. Fate is trying to tell me to focus more on refining Novel #2 and finishing my query package.

5. My counter is either malfunctioning or messing with me.  Or mischievous elves are stealing my hit counts and hiding them.

6. My readers want to read my novel more than my posts and this is their way of forcing me to work harder on getting an agent, (if only . . . . Lol!).

7. The internet is broken.

8. There has been a disturbance in the Force.

9. I accidentally jumped into a parallel universe where I am not a writer.

10. The garden rabbit nibbled on my numbers thinking they were a snack.

11. My computer desperately wants to take a vacation and its purposely hiding my posts so people can’t find them.  It’s hoping I’ll get so discouraged that I’ll stop writing and it can rest.

12. Everybody is at the movies or watching TV, (Hmmm . . . Star Trek: Into Darkness is pretty awesome in IMAX/3D).

13. People are reading actual books instead of firing up the computer (which isn’t totally a bad thing).

14. The universe is collapsing and I’m so busy writing, I haven’t noticed.

15. I accidentally set my blog on private.

16. My stats are stuck in a time warp.

17. I’ve lost my mojo.

18. I was inadvertently mean to someone and I’m being punished, (unlikely, but worth investigating).

19. The gods are trying to teach me a lesson for continually breaking the dress code at work (I won’t stop wearing jeans and Converse sneakers).

20. Solar flares and black holes are acting up again.

My muse and I are both scratching our heads for a way to get out of this funk. Meanwhile, many thanks to readers who stop by each day!!

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c.b. 2013

Simon’s Cat Poetry Poll

With my Simon’s Cat toy sitting on my desk, I’ve been busy writing possible entries for the Simon’s Cat Poetry Competition. Writing cute and funny poetry is definitely a challenge for me as I usually rely on nature and architecture as a means of inspiration. I’ve got a few poems that I’m relatively happy with and I thought it might be fun to let my readers decide which one I will submit. The last poetry poll was so successful, I figured this was the perfect way to usher in my first writing submission of 2013.

For each poem, I listed the inspiration as the competition is looking for poetry inspired by Simon’s Cat images or videos. I stuck with my favorite videos, (click on the images to watch the full length video) as well as the drawing that introduced the contest.

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Baseball Bat and Empty Dish

See my dish,
where’s the fish?

Cute and fat,
fill my vat

Starving cat
swings a bat

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Sticky Tape

Sticky tape
on my foot
tongue and ear

Meow! Get off!
I panic
still not clear

There, it’s gone
Meow! I win!
Tail flick cheer

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Fly Guy

Simon sits
unaware

Buzzing fly
stalking cat

Big eyes watch
waiting to pounce

Curtains shred
lampshade dead

Fly goes splat
Meow, now what?

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Thanks for voting! Results will be posted on Friday, January 25th.

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c.b.w. 2013

The Lost Art Of Coffee House Etiquette

As a writer, I spend a lot of time in coffee houses. Tall Café Mochas serve as my muse juice, free internet keeps me connected, and the cozy atmosphere is free of irritating distractions. Although, I’m starting to question the integrity of that last part. My usual writing spot has increasingly become more a like a zoo than a civilized place for people to read, drink coffee, or engage in conversation.

Of late, I’m starting to think there is a shortage of people who truly know how to behave in a coffee house. I’ve been an avid coffee house dweller for many years and I’ve covered a lot of ground both in the States and abroad. Either I’m getting old and less tolerant or there has been a steady degradation in acceptable behavior for what used to be a relaxing public space.

Ranting usually isn’t my style, but sometimes I hit my limit and can no longer remain silent. At the same time, I’m an organized and civilized ranter that decided to create a list of rules that I believe are essential to coffee house etiquette.

Five Simple Rules of Coffee House Etiquette

The Globe (bookshop and coffee house), Prague Czech Republic
Photo by: c.b.w. 2008

1) Wait in line patiently.

A coffee house is not the place to go if you are in a hurry. Hit the Starbucks drive-thru or a fast food joint if you want your coffee in one minute flat. Standing a millimeter away from the person in front of you and guffawing about how long it’s taking for the lone barista to make a latte does not create a comfortable atmosphere, nor does it make your coffee appear any faster. Good coffee is worth the wait, anyway.

2) Keep conversations personal.

A quiet coffee shop is always nice, but the energy of socializing is acceptable as well. However, there is a difference between intimate conversations that stay within the confines of personal space and those that spread out to everyone within earshot and beyond. Obnoxious drabble and attention-seeking hollers have no place in a coffee house. It’s about showing a little respect for yourself and those around you who did not ask for a shot of your personal life with their espresso.

3) Keep electronic devices silent.

In the age of technology, we are increasingly dependent on cell phones, laptops, tablets, and music players. I fully admit that I am a gadget junkie, but I’m also aware of the fact that it’s polite to make sure they don’t disrupt others. In a coffee house, there is no reason to listen to music or watch a movie with the speakers blaring for everyone to hear. Earbuds were created so you and only you can listen to whatever you want anywhere you want without disrupting other people. Use them.

The same goes for cell phones. Take the time to put your phone on silent or vibrate. Most coffee house goers are not amused that your ringtone sounds like the latest dance club mix. Furthermore, if you have to answer the call, do so following Rule #2 or take the call outside. For some reason, people talk on the phone with a voice that is considerably louder than when speaking face to face to another person.  Nobody wants to hear half of a conversation that breaks the sound barrier while trying to enjoy a cup of coffee.

4) Don’t leave children unattended.

I tread lightly with this rule because I know kids have a right to be out in public. All I’m saying is a little on-site training in proper behavior wouldn’t hurt. Perhaps I’m a prude who is way out of line, but I personally don’t go to a coffee house to listen to children scream or teenagers test how many times they can use the F-word before their Venti Chai Tea is gone. Too many times I’ve watched a gaggle of twelve-year-olds commandeer a table with their “grown up” drinks without having the slightest idea on how to conduct themselves.  So, instead of a coffee house they decide they’re on the playground. Maybe it would help to have someone show them some etiquette instead of dumping them off at a café like it’s a sort of babysitting service.

(Sorry, I might be ranting a little too much here. Parents can’t totally be blamed for this as children are going to do things beyond Mom and Dad’s control. However, Society as a whole can help by refusing to accept inappropriate behavior.)

 5) Clean up after yourself.

Coffee houses are not the same as restaurants. They don’t have waiters assigned to certain tables to come and take your order and clean up your dirty dishes. Granted in some coffee houses, there is someone who swoops by to clear the table, but more often than not the dishes sit there until the barista has a second to step away from the coffee bar. Is it part of their job? Yes. But consider the fact that someone who has just walked in needs a place to sit. Would you ask them to sit with your dirty dishes? I hope not. It only takes a few seconds to throw away your paper cup or set a plate on the counter.

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I may be perched on a soapbox at the moment, but I’m not above apologizing for having broken at least three of these rules at one time or another in my early years.  After more than a few cups of coffee, I’ve learned how important it is to respect the space of others and be mindful of the reality that I am not the center of the universe and neither is anyone else. Especially, in a coffee house.

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c.b.w. 2013

China’s Curious “Wonder”

Upon arriving at the site of the Terra Cotta Warriors, I caught a glimpse of a rather elaborate gift shop that was designed to imitate the Great Pyramids of Giza. Of all things to see in China, this was definitely not something I expected! I did a little digging and found out the Terra Cotta Warriors are marketed as the “Eighth Wonder of the World.”  As a result, savvy business owners began to saturate the area with the Wonders of the World theme to draw in tourists and customers. It’s been about eight years since I went to China and I can’t help but wonder if all seven of the original Wonders of the World now have their own gift shop!

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c.b.w. 2013

Little Gifts, Big Heart

This Christmas was the first I’ve ever spent without my Grandma, but in keeping my promise to her, I celebrated with a lot of love and laughter. It was a beautiful Christmas filled with family, friends, and wonderful gifts.

One of my favorite things about my family is how we all put so much thought into the gifts we give one another. I don’t recall ever receiving a gift I felt was haphazardly chosen or thoughtlessly wrapped. No matter how small, they all mean something and are personal, which makes them that much more special.

My husband in particular puts an incredible amount of thought into the gifts he gives. Not only does he always find the perfect thing, but he is also creative in how he presents his gifts. I never know what to expect and this year was no different.

For a few years now, I’ve been an avid fan of Simon’s Cat. I’ve posted videos here on my blog and shared links on Facebook for this adorable cartoon cat. He cracks me up and I think he’s just the cutest thing! Little did I know, he’s even cuter in person. When I came home from a little Christmas Eve get-together, this is what I saw when I turned on the lights:

Meow! Is there food in here?

Hee hee! Simon’s Cat was on my table and causing mischief in my stocking! Now I know why my husband had to run back into the house before we left for the party. He set the whole thing up because he knew it would make me laugh. The gift itself was wonderful ( I really wanted a plush Simon’s Cat!), but the fact that he went to all the trouble to make it funny means the world to me.

Simon’s Cat is already getting into trouble. By Christmas evening, he found my knitting. I think we’re going to have a lot of fun with this little guy!

Bad Kitty!

If you’ve never “met” Simon’s Cat, here is one of my favorite videos:

Humor aside, my husband also thought to give me something very meaningful. I once wrote about a compass necklace I wear every day (See Finding True North) as it is something that holds some deep significance to me as a traveler, explorer, artist, and human being. In addition, the pendant now has further meaning as it now holds a special memory of my Grandma that was made shortly before she passed away.

After more than a year of daily wear, the chain has weakened and the finish is quite worn. I still love everything about it, but I’ve become increasingly worried about losing it due to snapped chain or jump ring. It was definitely time for a new one and apparently my husband agreed.

During the week leading up to Christmas, he joked that the present I was shaking was something that “sometimes knots together,” so I walked around thinking it was yarn (Ha! I really have knitting on the brain!). When I opened it, I realized he was referring to a chain just like the one he’s had to untangle countless times. My new compass necklace is very similar to the original, but also very different.

A new compass for a new year.

As I embark on a new year and a new phase of my life, I leave the old compass behind and embrace the new. A thoughtful gift, indeed.

My heartfelt thanks to a man who knows me better than anyone and never ceases to amaze me. I love you.

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c.b.w. 2012