Sometimes completing a page in Wreck This Journal can be a very emotional experience. A page towards the back is reserved as a space “for negative thoughts,” or essentially a dialogue for your inner critic. I’ve had some pretty serious battles with my inner critic as noted in My Inner Critic Is Trying to Kill Me. It’s a war that continues to rage, even though I’ve gained a bit more control over those savage negative thoughts. I debated whether to post this page because it showcases some of my most crippling vulnerabilities, but then I realized I’m not the only one who has an inner critic. If anything, by exposing her I stand a better chance of defeating her and maybe that would inspire others who are fighting the same battle.
I completed the right hand side of the page a while ago after a particularly bad day of writing. In about five minutes, I had this massive list and I would’ve kept going had I not run out of space. The inner critic was quite cruel and very loud, but it was interesting experience to give those thoughts an outlet. Once I wrote something down, it no longer repeated in my head. The experience was strangely cathartic, despite the overall negative feelings it provoked. I colored the page in a drab shad of gray and highlighted with pink as that’s a color I don’t always like. Then I closed the journal and did my best to let go of everything on that list.
The left side of the page came to me after paging through my journal this weekend. I didn’t like how all the negativity stood alone with nothing to counteract the poison. The phrase “the light at the end of the tunnel” came to mind, so I drew a candle with a bright flame. It represents my “spark” and the need to keep it burning bright. Then, along the side I added a strong reminder that my inner critic is full of hot air, (except for the grammar thing – I really am a moron when it comes to commas and such). Finally, I found two stamps in my craft box that pretty much say it all: Life is beautiful and I must believe in everything . . . including myself.
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