Are You Sure?

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There are days where I question the choices I’ve made. Truth be told, days like this are becoming more frequent. It’s like every element of my life is playing a little game with me called, “Are you sure?”

Honestly, I don’t know.

Perhaps, its a mid-life crisis attacking a bit early. Or maybe, I am just ready for a change. Admittedly, I am a creature of habit. My very organized self likes a schedule and gets a little thrill when everything works out as planned. This aspect of my personality was a mild quirk when I was younger, but after 14 years of teaching, it’s become a full-blown neurosis. I’m starting to realize this is making life a lot less fun.

Although, this feeling of “life doubt” could also be tied to what I consider a noticeably missing piece of my existence. Travel. Throughout my twenties and early thirties, I traveled extensively overseas. I saved and planned for it, because it was such an important part of my life. However, the last three years have been tough. Between budgets constraints and family concerns, I haven’t really gone anywhere. The fact that my bucket list has largely gone ignored is starting to bug me.

Then, there’s the undeniable fact that I’m tired. Exhausted, actually. Working 10-12 hours a day at a job that is getting increasingly more stressful and frustrating is starting to wear me down. As much as I love the art of teaching, it’s getting difficult to love where I work. I don’t know if it’s just one of those challenging years or if I’m reaching a point of total burn out. Thankfully, my students aren’t picking up my general feeling of frustration (I know this because they constantly tell me they like how positive it is in my classroom). At the same time, I am perusing job postings for possibilities that lie beyond my current station.

With all of this going on in my head, it’s surprising to me that I remain a total optimist. A little funk never wiped the smile off my face and it probably never will.

My family and my writing keep my fire burning. As my novel reaches the final stages of becoming a polished piece of work, I find myself excited to take the next steps. When it comes to the game of “Are you sure?,” this is the one thing where I know the answer is a definite “Yes!”

After a crappy day at work, I love escaping into my dreamworld where my novel finds its way into print. I can wander into lines of poetry and fuss over plot holes while drinking my Muse Juice (Cafe Mocha). When all else fails, there is the beautiful dream of being able to write (and maybe knit a little) all day long.Β Lucky for me, my husband and furkids are cool with joining me on this journey.

Of course, the game of “Are you sure?” has the added bonus of motivating real change. Besides reconsidering my job situation, there have also been a number of discussions regarding a change of location. We’re thinking the Pacific Northwest might be a nice change of scenery within the next few years. A road trip to scope it out is in the planning stages. Am I sure about moving? Not really, but I’m excited to explore the possibility of something new.

Aside from considering major life changes, I’ve started stuffing money aside for a trip to Amsterdam. My bucket list is in dire need of a check mark and my soul craves the touch of a new experience.

– – –

c.b.w. 2014

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15 thoughts on “Are You Sure?

  1. I know how you feel. After twenty-three years of teaching, I felt I needed a change to somewhere new, so I applied to the Peace Corps, was accepted, and flew to Slovakia to teach English to university students for two years. It was a great experience. When I returned, I worked as a Mentor Teacher at a high school for sixteen years, a most enjoyable time. It sounds as if you need a change now to a new location. I think we need to shake things up a bit now and then to keep us interested and to feel “alive.” Best wishes to you in making decisions.

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    • I’ve never lived in one place nor worked in one place for such a long period of time. Your experiences really put that in perspective. Perhaps, that little itch I’m feeling is the need to see something different outside my window.

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  2. Sorry your career has become so stressful. It is sad that teachers have to deal with so much beyond the important thing of being there for their students. You’ll pull through and I have no doubt your smile will always be there. I think you would love the Pacific Northwest but we shure would miss you!

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    • The thought of leaving so many wonderful friends is a tough one to chew on. However, at the same time it’s easier than ever to keep in touch! πŸ™‚

      Even after the worst day I’ve ever had, I still managed to smile a day later. If I can do that, I can do anything.

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  3. Cindi

    Life has a way of giving us the nudge we need when it’s time for change. It’s exciting to make those plans to see what may be best for you and you are doing it. The thing about us optimists is that even when life throws curveballs, the smile stays as the search for what needs to be done is discovered. Keep on that path and you’ll make it through to the other side and find out the next leg of your journey.

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    • I keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason. Life is giving me a big nudge and I’m starting to think fate realizes I’m a stubborn customer. It needed to do something big to make me stretch beyond my comfort zone. πŸ˜‰

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  4. While I’ve been completely UN-sure of things these days, I’m glad you are considering positive changes in your life and that you will be able to move forward with some new and exciting things. Good luck and keep up that optimism. πŸ™‚

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  5. I love how your optimism wins out in these sorts of situations. Life is hard, but seeing the glass as half-full definitely helps. Hoping that the right path opens up soon and that you feel sure about your direction when you find it. πŸ™‚

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    • There are days where it’s tough to remain optimistic, but then I remember life is always full of possibilities if we reman open to them. As trying as this school year has been, there’s always that one student that says thank you or something equally as nice.

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